On the other hand I hate this day because it's so hard to remember all of these things, even though they bring so much joy they can also bring so much pain. The hardest thing, is wondering what he'd look like, how he'd act, and especially this year, he'd be starting KINDERGARTEN. So all the rest of you that have five year olds will cry because you're sending you're babies off to kindergarten and I'm going to cry because I don't get to send mine off.
You know one of my favorite sayings when we were first asked how we were doing (almost 4 years ago) was to just say "It sucks!" and today when I'm asked how I'm doing, "It sucks"! Sorry, I just had to get that out! But, on a lighter note...
I do think of the great things that Payton accomplished in his short earth life, he has blessed so many people in more ways than I even know and he still is blessing so many lives. Whether it's been getting people to cherish life and the important things in life, all the way to giving himself to save another life. (I'll tell more about his heart donation in October on his 4 year anniversary)
So to my sweet little 5 year old angel (who is way older and wiser than that now) but I love you and HAPPY BIRTHDAY PAYTON!!! We love you and Bailey sang happy birthday to you this morning, hope you liked it! Just one more day closer to being together again, who knows when eternity will come but when it does I'm glad that it's forever.
This picture was taken when Payton was 10 mths. old at Sea World in San Diego, you just can't help but smile when you look at it!
*sorry about these pictures below being so small they were from my cell phone.
My doorbell just rang and it was a flower delivery guy (I don't know what they're called) delivering some beautiful yellow roses and white lilies to me to brighten my day. I cried because of what good friends I have and how sweet they are to think of me and take time out of their day to do this for me. Thanks Kenny & Tara you're the best!
+old+school+texture.jpg)
11 comments:
so i was just looking at Capell's blog- started crying there, and then ended up here, crying here. You sweet, sweet people. I don't know how you even keep going on......I'm speechless... i had no idea today was his birthday, or that tomorrow was the exact day that Cameron passed away.
i love you guys! You and Jeremy are truly angels to all of us that get to know you!!!
I can't wait for forever to begin for each of you and your sweet boys.
love you!
Amanda, just feel what you feel. The sadness, depression, frustration and all of the emotions that are running through you always and more especially today, are normal and personal. From the outside you appear so together, doing so well, all the while your body just want to collapse on itself and be with Payton. He's with you and I'm sure is helping you. I love you and Jer so much! I'm sorry that Payton can't go to Kindergarten this year. I'm sorry this is your trial. I will celebrate his life with you and mourn his absence. You are not alone. Love you!
I can't begin to imagine how you are feeling...but I think you are amazing and are such a great example to me. Your family is in my thoughts.
Thank you for being you and for sharing and for being real. Thank you for sharing your story - and Peyton's story. What a hero! I agree - just "be" and feel what you feel and know you are being hugged a million times over.
With love,
Chris
You hang in there, all the way to eternity and you will hug your Payton again. What an adorable little boy, and how sweet he was. I'm sorry for today and what you are feeling, but what you are feeling is ok. Feel what you feel. You are so strong and you are amazing. And thank you for giving me some things to think about.
What a hard yet special day. Our hearts go out to you guys! I honestly always think about how much I appreciate even the hard days as a parent since hearing your story.
Amanda we love you! And I thought of you guys all day! You really are great examples, and people I look up to so much!
I meant to tell you how well you did on your talk today! I love hearing about your sweet little 5 year old up in heaven. You're amazing and strong and so many around you draw from that. Thanks for being you!
We had a small infant in our ward here pass away in a tragic accident this past week, and we have been thinking a lot of you guys and our nephew, Payton, as we have been grieving. It is amazing how the gospel can bring us hope at such difficult times in our lives even though sadness may continue due to not being close to our loved ones for a time. We love you and know that you will be blessed to be with Payton again.
Janae (AKA Donovan)
I never met your angel boy, Payton, but looking at his picture, I couldn't help but love this little guy. What a sweetheart. Just looking at him, you can tell he is a special spirit. What a privilege you have of being his mom. His life has touched so many lives- even the lives of people he never met. Like everyone else posting, I think you're incredibly strong and an inspiration to us all. I've always admired your attitude and outlook on life. Thanks for sharing such a personal day.
Amanda, Im sorry I was unable to call you on friday but know that I was thinking about you so much. I find so much strength from you. I know our little angels are buddies up there and cheering us on. I think they are glad we met so we can help eachother. Maybe they organized our meeting. I know they are so close to us. Talk to Peyton, I know he is near and hears you. And is proud of his sweet momma. You are so strong. I will back up your words of "this sucks", but I am so glad I have found a friend that hears me, understands me, and know exactly what my heart can't say. You are amazing. Im so glad we met, and not only because of our angels but because you are a great person who I know I have so much to learn from you. See you soon. Love Mandy
Post a Comment